Life’s not fair
Life’s not fair. I’m pretty sure that’s a statement that everyone has said at some point in their life whether they’re young, old, rich or poor and it’s true. Life simply isn’t fair.
I lost my mum to cancer when I was 18 years old. My twin sister and I had to watch as she gradually got worse. She lost a lot of weight, as well as her appetite and her hair. She lost her spark. She used to be so upbeat, energetic, so positive, but ovarian cancer took all of that away from her. How is that fair?
How is it fair that a daughter should lose her mum, a husband lose his wife, a mother lose her child.
How is it fair that she will never know her grandchildren, her children’s husbands, her children’s futures.
She’s not there to help when I need it. She’s not there to talk to when I need it. It’s not fair. It’s simply not fair.
At the time I didn’t really think too much about mums illness. It’s a terrible thing and I feel awful to admit it, but I was a selfish teenager and would rather go out then stay in. Had I have known just how bad it was, would I have changed? Stayed in more? Were we mollycoddled instead of being told the brutal truth. She was drying. What I have done things differently? Been a different person?
Who knows.
What I do know is that my mum, and of course my dad, must have been terrified.
Terrified knowing that she was inevitably going to die.
Knowing that she’d never see her children grow up.
Knowing that she’d never see her children get married.
Knowing that she’d never meet her grandchildren and that her own children would have to make their way in the world without her.
My dad must have been terrified. To raise two girls on his own. To hold it together. To stay strong, not show any weakness. It must have been tough and I sure didn’t make it any easier. Am I a bad person?
Life isn’t fair.
Some people have it all. Health, wealth and happiness, whilst others like myself struggle to afford the good life.
We’re not poor, but we’re not rich. We get by.
We rent and have moved four times in such a short time.
Our children are soon to be four and soon to move into their fourth home. Home? Scrap that. I can’t call it a home. It’s not a home, we haven’t been there long enough to call it a home.
How can I not provide my children with a permanent home.
Why don’t you buy somewhere? That’s what they say.
As if it’s that easy. Just pop out and buy a house.
Does it matter where you live as long as you have a roof over your head?
Well, yes, to me it does.
I work hard. My husband works hard.
I don’t want a home in a place I don’t like.
I want a home in a place I love. Where my children can go to school where we want. I won’t buy anything to stop you talking. I’ll scrimp and save and buy what I want, when I can and, well if that never happens, it never happens, but I’ll know that I worked hard to try to make that happen.
Life isn’t fair. It’s just not fair.
16 Comments
Francesca Bateman
February 1, 2016 at 10:26 pm
Life really isn't fair. I'm sorry about your mother, that must have been hard. It does sometimes feel like some people get all the luck. Xx
Random Musings
February 6, 2016 at 9:06 pm
So sorry to her about your mum, you're right, it's not fair. I think your mum would have wanted you to enjoy your teenage years though just like you want your children to enjoy theirs when the time comes. Thanks for hosting the #binkylinky
Debbie
kerry norris
February 1, 2016 at 11:22 pm
Oh gosh that's awful for you. It must've been hard. I agree about the house. Don't buy one for the sake of it. We've used this phrase a lot ourselves as we lost my mother in law to a brain tumour days after ophelia was born x
Peonie & Me
February 3, 2016 at 7:18 am
Oh sweetie, sending you big hugs. Life is pretty crappy. So sometimes its nice knowing we've got family 'up there' looking out for us down here. Just don't forget to tell yourself, you are doing great. Renee @peonieandme #bestandworst x
theanxiousdragonsblog
February 3, 2016 at 7:49 am
Life really isn't fair. I sometimes think that we live in an age that sometimes forgets this fact. With the best of intentions people try to protect their kids from this fact, schools try to make everyone a winner and avoids competitiveness, but it doesent always do them any favours.
I hope at some point you can find a home (be that buying or long term renting) that feels like a home for you xx #bestandworst
Tracey G
February 3, 2016 at 1:32 pm
I'm so sorry to read about your mother, and I can't imagine just how unfair life must have seemed then and at times now. You're working hard and committing yourself to your family and OH, and at some point I hope you managed to buy what you want where you want, and you'll know that you did it your way with your own hard work.
#Bestandworst
Helen Gandy – Beautiful Things
February 3, 2016 at 9:24 pm
Life really isn't fair is it. My best friends mum has terminal cancer and she hasn't really got long left, it breaks my heart, it always happens to the nicest of people. I hope you managed to find a lovely house that you can call a home, fingers tightly crossed. Thanks for linking up #bestandworst
Jessica Powell
February 5, 2016 at 12:41 pm
*Hugs* Sometimes it is so hard, especially when it seems like everyone else is getting on just fine. So with you on the weird attitude about buying, as if you can conjure up all that money and be done and dusted! x #binkylinky
gina caro
February 5, 2016 at 1:34 pm
So sorry to hear about your Mother, I can't even begin to imagine what that must feel like. My other half lost his Dad when he was young and it has definitely had a lasting impact on him and how he then went on to live his life #BinkyLinky
Mrs Tubbs
February 5, 2016 at 1:41 pm
So sorry about your mum. Housing isn't fair. It makes me cross that I've got so many friends in the same position as you – they want to find a forever home to buy and just can't. Hope you find one soon.
Anne Stone
February 5, 2016 at 1:52 pm
So sorry to hear about your mum, Cancer is an awful disease and takes far too many people away too soon x
Mummy Fever
February 5, 2016 at 1:59 pm
Life isn't fair and I do agree is grates when others seems to have it all. Someone called me the other night, a friend to ask me if I thought they should go to a party or not – seriously, that was the biggest concern of her week! I struggle when bigger things are happening to lots of other people to respond without sarcasm at least. I understand the moving bit too and the mum stuff – hugs x #BinkyLinky
Sarah Howe
February 5, 2016 at 5:36 pm
It really isn't fair sometimes. The cliche of the crappest things happen to the best people is so true. So sorry about your Mum…it would have be wonderful if she had met Nige and the girls. I hope you get your house someday…moving is stressful. Hold out a bit and it may happen someday 🙂 xxx #binkylinky
housestillstanding
February 5, 2016 at 10:28 pm
Life really isn't fair. I am sorry about your Mum…you are right about the terrified stuff. Not being there to see my children grow up is pretty much my biggest fear.
Sounds like you are setting a great example to your children re: working hard to get what they want. I really hope the house stuff comes through for you sooner than you hope #binkylinky
Emma
February 6, 2016 at 9:22 am
Sorry to hear about your mum. I'm not sure of your circumstances as to way you need to move but I hope everything works out well. If you are inot rented accommodation it may be worse telling a new landlord you need a long time lease straight up. My mum has done this successfully for several years.
Something Crunchy Mummy
February 9, 2016 at 3:41 pm
Life really isn't fair and it's so sad. You are incredibly strong to write this post and I'm so sorry to hear about your mum. Your girls are so lucky to have you as whether you rent or own, you will make a house a home for them as you are there #binkylinky xx