Relationship Advice for Maintaining a Good Relationship when You Have Twins

Having children is hard, but twins take double the effort and can put a strain on anyone’s relationship. Find out how to avoid things turning sour, right here…

If you’ve just had twins, you know how hard it can be to raise twice the amount of baby as all your friends. It can put serious strain on the parent’s relationship, and they often don’t get the relationship advice they need because they don’t know anyone else who has twins.

The strain on a relationship can often make your bond stronger in the long run. After all, going through twins together is no easy feat but you’ll be sure to come out the other side stronger. Some couples turn to pheromones to help keep the spark alive. What are pheromones I hear you ask? Well, put simply, it’s a chemical similar to hormones but they work outside the body.

If things do go really pear-shaped, speaking to Newport, Cardiff or Bristol family lawyers might be a good solution. That said, hopefully our relationship advice will help you avoid that possibility.

In this post, we’re going to give you a brief insight into what it’s like to raise twins so you know you’re not the only one dealing with these issues. We’ll also share our top tips for keeping your relationship alive, and end with some of the many benefits of having twins. So, for all the advice you need to maintain a solid relationship during this hectic time of your lives, read on…

What’s it Like Being in a Relationship with Twins?

So, what’s the effect of twins on a marriage? Raising twins is not easy, especially in the first year where the learning curve is double the effort of raising a single child. If you don’t have family around to help, it can be even more difficult, and the stress can be overwhelming.

It’s no surprise then that the Twins and Multiple Births Association found that parents who have twins are more likely to end up divorced, broke, and out of work.

Twins often take it in turns to cry throughout the night; it’s not like they cry at the same time and you can get it all out of the way at once. Especially when they’re ill, it’s almost impossible to stop them crying no matter how much comfort you give them.

Childcare costs are also incredibly expensive, as very few nurseries offer discount twin prices. If you choose to hire a nanny, it will cost you even more than a nursery.

When you’re on low-sleep and you have so much to think about and do, the stress starts to mount and the first person to get an earful is your partner. This is where the relationship starts to tear apart if you don’t get the right relationship advice to see you through it.

Top Relationship Advice for Couples with Twins

Now that you have an idea of what the stress of having twins looks like, it’s time to share our top relationship advice to help you stay together in this difficult time.

1. Recognise That you Aren’t Invincible

One thing both of you should keep in mind is that you’re not invincible. This is one of the easiest bits of relationship advice to give, but one of the hardest for people to take on board.

All you need to do is remind yourself that you’re not perfect, you never will be, and as long as you’re trying your hardest that’s all you can do. Over time you’ll get more used to raising twins, but only if you stick with it and try not to stress out over how well you are or aren’t doing.

Once both of you acknowledge this piece of relationship advice, you’ll start looking at the things you’re actually accomplishing instead of all the things you’re not that you think you should be.

Once both of you acknowledge this piece of relationship advice, you’ll start looking at the things you’re actually accomplishing instead of all the things you’re not that you think you should be.

2. The First Year Doesn’t Count

This echoes the above relationship advice well, as it’s important to remember that you’re not going to be great at raising twins straight away. The first year is all about survival; you’ll lose some of the romance you had with your partner before you had the twins, but it will come back in time.

If at any point during the first year you feel like you want to end your relationship, try to hold on until the year is over. Once you’ve hit that year mark, reassess your relationship and seek counselling if necessary.

3. Make a Sleep Schedule

Now it might sound like counter intuitive relationship advice to not sleep in the same bed as your partner at the same time, but it will save you a lot of stress. 

Having one parent stay up and look after the babies to let the other parent sleep is the only way either of you will get any sleep. If you try to sleep at the same time and no-one is looking after the babies, then you both get woken up when they cry. Sleeping with ear plugs and the door closed will help the sleeping partner lie.

Sleep deprivation can make any sane and happy couple turn into miserable zombies looking for the next argument. You’ll also have more patience with your children when it’s your turn as you’ll have had a full night’s sleep.

4. Sort out Your Priorities

It’s nice to have time to relax and pursue your hobbies, but you have to strike a balance when you’re raising twins. Some people drop their hobbies altogether so they can focus solely on raising their kids and going to work. Others try to hang on to all their hobbies and are frustrated if they don’t get to do them.

The worst examples of this are when one partner drops their hobbies and the other carries on their own. This can cause tension, and make it feel like an uneven ride. Just remember, once you get beyond the newborn stage, your twins will start to take daytime naps, and these are the perfect time for you and your partner to do separate hobbies or do something you both like together.

5. Communicate with Each Other

This piece of relationship advice might seem simple, and you might even think you are talking enough, but maybe you’re not talking about the right things. Talking about your twins is important but it probably already dominates 95 percent of your conversations with your partner. It’s important to make some time to talk about each other’s expectations and needs.

You can also clear the air about any behaviour that’s rubbing you the wrong way or how you need a bit more time for yourself. Neither of you are mind readers, so it’s important to air these things out whenever you get the chance.

6. Don’t Let Your Intimacy Die

Intimacy doesn’t just mean sex; it means keeping the romance of your relationship alive. This could include cuddling and watching a TV show together, snuggling in bed after putting the babies to sleep, and even flirting with each other.

Try to remember the reason you got married in the first place and why you had babies together. At some point you’ll be able to go out on dates and talk about how you got to where you are now and reminisce over good time you’ve shared.

Try to remember the reason you got married in the first place and why you had babies together. At some point you’ll be able to go out on dates and talk about how you got to where you are now and reminisce over good time you’ve shared.

What are the Benefits of Having Twins?

We’ve talked a lot about the difficulties of having twins, and shared some relationship advice to help you through. That said, having twins has tonnes of benefits as well.

Your babies learned to crawl together, they sit in highchairs making each other laugh; the bond they have with each other, and you, is so strong nothing can break it. Here are some of the major benefits of raising twins:

1. You only have to go through pregnancy once and you get two children out of it

2. You get to pick two baby names that complement each other perfectly

3. You can hold one baby in each arm and express double the love you’d be able to with a single child

4. Watching your babies sleep peacefully side by side in their crib is heart-warming

5. Only establishing one routine and doing it all at once instead of separately for two children of different ages

6. All the sleepless night will be over and done with in one go

7. Watching them grow together and learn together is priceless

8. Knowing that they’ll be best friends for life

9. Knowing they’ll have each other on their first day of school

10. Discovering their differences and admiring their similarities

11. Only needing one birthday party and one cake for the two of them!

12. The solace of knowing they’ll never be alone

Where do you go From Here?

Today, we’ve covered what it’s like to raise twins, so you know you’re not the only one having those issues. We’ve also offered some relationship advice on how to keep a strong bond with your partner, ending on a high-note with a list of reasons why raising twins is awesome.

Try to follow our relationship advice if you can, but if it’s not enough to save your relationship, seek the advice of a professional. The only thing harder than raising twins together is raising twins alone. 

Thank you for reading this post. We hope you learnt something and are ready to make your relationship with your spouse work for the betterment of yourselves and your twins. Be sure to leave your own bits of advice in the comments down below!