Reunited over Pasta! The Trouble with Twins!

What happened to my gentle, happy, kind hearted girls?

One day they were four years old. They were nice to one another, had the occasional tantrum and more often than not they would listen to their mummy and daddy without us having to raise our voices.

Then, all of a sudden they turned five years old and it’s like something within them has changed.

Every day they argue, fight, cry and tell tales on one another.

R is definitely more dominant and hates it when she’s proven wrong. She hates it when M tells on her for doing something wrong, but she’s so defiant and stubborn that she can’t accept her wrong doing.

M is turning into a diva and if she can’t get her own way, all hell breaks loose. She’ll hang her head, stare at the floor with her arms folded across her belly and cry. Either that or she’ll storm out of the room and cry. She’ll huff and puff, and may even drop to the floor in tears.

I know they’re only five years old. I know they’re still very much learning about the world and their place in it. I know they’re still learning about how to deal with their emotions and I don’t expect them to be completely rational. What I would like is to find a way to prevent the daily battle that is making them so argumentative.

I just want them to be happy and nice to one another.

I’ve had numerous conversations with them and I find myself quoting the same thing to them day in, day out.

‘It’s nice to be nice. It’s bad to be bad’.

‘Treat others how you want to be treated. If you’re nice to others, they’ll be nice to you, but if you’re not nice to others, then you can’t expect others to be nice to you’.

Having said that I don’t want them to be pushovers either. If someone behaves badly towards them, they know to use their ‘big voices’ to say ‘No’ and to find a grown up who can help, but what about when they behave this way to one another?

From the moment they wake up until they moment they go to bed, they’re constantly at one another throats. However, I did manage to find some respite one day.

Straight after school, I asked if they’d like to help me make dinner. For those blissful ten minutes they were nice to one another. They sat next to each other putting the pasta in the saucepan, mixing it with spoons and pouring milk and water in a jug for me.

They took turns to press the buttons on the microwave to warm up the cheesy sauce and then they sat down to eat and from the kitchen I could hear:

“Muuuummmmm! M’s not eating her food!”

“Yes, I am!” M shouted back.

Ah well. I did enjoy those peaceful ten minutes.

I’m sure it’s just a phase like the terrible twos. God, I thought that was bad, but when you’re living in the moment, it’s tough. I feel like all I do some days is shout at them, and I don’t want to be a shouty mum!

Just this morning we were having a great time dancing and singing to some of the soundtracks from Disney’s Moana, then five minutes later, I ask them both to put their shoes on ready for school, and M, says she doesn’t want to wear her cardigan or coat, just her denim jacket.

I know this was because I’d opted for my denim jacket instead of my coat, but I explained she wouldn’t be allowed to wear her denim jacket to school and she had to wear her cardigan because it’s cold out, but if she wanted to take it off in the classroom if she got too hot, then that’s ok. This wasn’t good enough though.

I said that she could wear her blue coat as it’s not as heavy as her winter coat, but that she’d still need to wear her cardigan underneath. Still wasn’t good enough.

After 10 minutes of going back and for, I cracked. I shouted. We were going to be late for school and I’d had enough! I raised my voice, M cried and I felt awful.

Did she wear her cardigan to school? No. She put it in her backpack in case she wanted it.

Why do we always feel so bad for shouting at our children when clearly we’re justified in doing so sometimes? I guess it’s because our children just don’t understand that sometimes their behaviour isn’t justified. They can’t reason with us at this tender age and all they see is their mummy shouting for no reason.

I just keep telling myself, ‘this too shall pass’. Until then, well, I’ll just try to be more patient!