The Emotional Journey of Placing a Loved One in a Care Home: Coping Strategies for Families
As people age, they become more dependent on others. At first, this is for small things: lifting heavy objects, getting things down from the attic, or intensive gardening or DIY projects, but over time, these tasks can become more time-consuming and intimate. Older people become frail and need help with keeping up with basic chores, cooking nutritious meals for themselves, even with hygiene: toileting, bathing and so on. There is a balance point within every family dynamic where taking care of a loved one will love from ‘just one’s duty’ to ‘too much to handle without professional assistance’ and the first mentions of care homes are heard. This balance point is a difficult one for family members – and sometimes also for the elderly person too. Let’s take a look at why it is so hard to take this – very sensible and necessary – step and also why it is the best possible solution in many cases.
It Seems Like ‘Opting Out’
Our parents and elderly relatives have looked after us, and now it is our turn to repay the favour. Sending them to a care home can feel like dereliction of duty, as though by just working a little harder, or planning one’s days differently, one should be able to manage everything: a career, raising a family of one’s own, and also taking care of one’s elderly relative. But it is impossible. For many people who have primary custody/ care of their children, life is already a struggle to balance out the needs of one’s children and their schools against the nine-to-five demands of a full-time job. Adding in the steadily increasing care burden of an elderly person simply doesn’t work.
But In Fact…
By making the move to a care home, such as these Eastleigh care homes in North Devon, one can be sure that their basic needs: nutritious food, warmth, and hygiene are met without a struggle. Care homes are designed to attend to the needs of their residents all the time, so there is a good provision of mental stimulation in the form of various entertainments, classes and talks, and – when the residents are hale enough – day trips or excursions to places of interest or cultural events. A major benefit of a care home is that the staff are often trained in geriatric care, and will quickly notice when a period of decline occurs, being able to quickly take steps to accommodate new needs.
The Elderly Relative Will Feel Abandoned
When the first mention of care home is raised, it can be very upsetting if the older person is resistant to the idea, perhaps feeling betrayed and unwanted. The younger relatives too can feel as though they are sending their elderly relative away, and they can suffer from tremendous feelings of guilt. Both sides will feel as though they will see less of each other after the move to the care home.
But In Fact…
… the opposite effect can occur. Once the elderly person is settled and has a place of their own once more – and the younger relatives have achieved a good life balance of their own, no longer having to constantly juggle warring demands – weekly or even daily visits can occur. And during these visits, because the care home staff are ensuring that the elderly resident is taken care of regarding basic needs, the family visits can be fun, social occasions!
