What do you wish your parents did differently?
Isn’t it funny how when we become parents, the things that our parents suddenly start to make sense? Not all of them of course, but certain things start to become clearer.
I had a pretty good childhood, but there are certain things that I wish my parents had done differently. Maybe it’s a generational thing or perhaps something that they learnt from their own parents. Who knows!
I wish I was given more freedom to make mistakes. More freedom to develop a good social life and friends for life. When all of my friends were out partying, getting drunk and having sleepovers, my sister and I were home in front of the TV or hidden away in our bedrooms drawing or listening to music.
That’s not to say I was a well behaved child. I’m certainly no angel and like many children I rebelled against certain things my parents did.
I also wish that my parents had encouraged me to take part in activities outside of school. Perhaps a dance class, maybe drama or even some kind of sport.
Now that I’m a mum I think it’s important that I learn from this and allow my children the freedom to make their own mistakes so that they can learn from them. Something that I feel I wasn’t allowed to do.
By giving our children responsibilities and by treating them as adults in their teenage years, you’re giving them a sense of purpose and a sense of who they are. You’re showing them that you trust them. That it’s ok to make mistakes, and that if they do, you’ll be there for them should they need you – note it’s important not to interfere no matter how tempted you are! That is unless they’re involved in something illegal etc.
I like to think that when my children are older I’ll allow them the freedom to make their own decisions about where they go and who with, what time they’ll be home and of course in how they act. Hoping that the way in which my husband and I have raised them will play a big part in this.
I was curious as to how other people viewed their childhood and if they too wish their parents had done things differently. As such I asked some fellow bloggers for their thoughts and I found the results pretty intriguing.
Kara blogs at Chelsea Mamma and says: “My parents idea of a good day out was locking us in the car whilst they went to the pub and got merry (and yes, they drove us home after). My idea of a good day out is taking the kids to explore somewhere new or an old favourite and the only time we go to pubs is to get something to eat!”
Vicki from Cake Escapes says: Oh that is tricky. In all honesty, there’s nothing I wish they had done differently. They have made me who I am and I’m really greatful for all that they did (and didn’t) do. I’m now trying to lead by their example and raise my own childen. My mum is still my first port of call for advice!
Samantha from Coco Butter Blog says: My parents were amazing when bringing me up and they did everything right. They made it so that my brother and I could trust them so much that we could talk to them about any problems we had. They’re still my best friends and if I grow up to be even half the parent they’ve been then I’ll be happy
Jade from Raising the Rings says: My parents never sat down and read a book to me and I wish they had. I really love books now and always read to my kids before bed as a minimum.
I wish they’d made me carry on with one of the many hobbies I took up – dancing, playing cello, karate. The reason I stopped is because they were always arguing about money although I never told them that! Without a doubt my children will be encouraged to do whatever they want and money will never be discussed in front of them.
Liam from Liam’s Life says: My parents were very supportive of my older brother with his football career. This meant I spent most weekends in the car bored because I didn’t enjoy football. When his career didn’t happen, my younger brother and I didn’t get that same level of support for our dreams because they had put so much into my brothers and it had gone nowhere. My parents were amazing but I guess a lack of understanding of what made me tick was the issue and could have put me on a better path if I had been given more support and encouragement. I found my path on my own in the end.
Laura from Laura Fat2Fit says: I wish they’d been more strict with me with regards to the food I ate and maybe encouraged me to take part in more activities for exercise. I ended up being the largest kid in high school and was at around 260 lbs at my highest weight by the time I’d reached university. However, with that being said, I don’t judge them for it. I’ve become a strong, confident woman and lost the weight myself(over 100 lbs) with their support along my whole journey so it turned out well in the end! I’ve become so much stronger as a person.
Mary from Over 40 and a mum to one says: That’s a tough one, it’s often hard to understand reasoning until you become a parent yourself. I guess I wish my parents had been talkers more when we were kids. We didn’t really talk about feelings and important things were rarely discussed. I had no conversations with my Mum about periods and sex, nothing. We weren’t allowed to go to my granddad’s funeral because we were supposedly too young – 13 and 11!!! It was my Granny’s decision but I wish my parents had asked us what we thought and let us speak for ourselves. I hope I’ll listen to my son and include him in discussions but I’m sure he’ll find something wrong with my parenting skills.
Nige from DIY Daddy blog says: Deep down I suppose I wish my parents hadn’t split up when I was young, and I could have had what was considered a normal family life. In some strange way I feel I wish my parents had never had children, as they were probably incapable of being parents because of their selfishness. For all of that, even though my father had left when I was young, I just wish he’d made the effort to form a proper father/son relationship which to this day I still feel like I missed out on, and that saddens me.
Chantelle from Two Hearts One Roof says: My parents were awesome in all honesty and I’d like to bring Elian up in the same way. The only thing I will probably do differently to them is actually something that happened when I was older, teenage age. My parents always pushed my academic side and going to uni was always the expected. I am pretty intelligent and have great grades but I’m far happier being creative. So I bust my gut to get 4 a-levels and an as and go to uni to study journalism and it was an utter waste of my time and money! Neither me or Jon use our degrees and we run a photography company and are completely self taught. We will allow Elian to follow what ever dream he wants and will happily let him follow a creative or academic path, definitely won’t be pushing for uni unless he wants or needs to go as I don’t feel it is for everyone.
Elizabeth from Lizzie Daily Blog says: I think over all my parents did a good job. I wish they had let me make some choices sooner – without sounding like a spoilt brat, when I was about 13/14, I was doing a lot of activities and it was too much. I was swimming, two separate instrument lessons, aqua aerobics, drama, spending two nights away from home with grandparents plus school and trying to maintain friends. That was quite a hard time in our relationship.
Jay from Puzzle Piece Life says: Mine were so ‘gender neutral ‘ it went to the extreme of I didn’t get to express the typical ‘girly’ interests I wanted- for example I wanted a barbie so they brought me an action man. They frowned upon me having a polly pocket and I didn’t get to indulge in dressing up as Disney princesses despite begging to. I basically wish they’d have let me decide instead of forcing ‘boy’ stuff upon me. I understand why they did it and their intentions were good but I didn’t like any of that stuff and I guess but that couple with my first and middle names also being ‘neutral’, I was always made to feel bad I did just want to be girly!
17 Comments
Laura Side Street
August 15, 2016 at 5:34 pm
I have to say I really loved my childhood in South Africa, my mother was very hands on. The only thing I would change perhaps was my Dad being home more, he had a very pressured Job in Law which meant long hours.
Laura x
Mary @over40andamumtoone
August 15, 2016 at 7:07 pm
Thanks for including my thoughts x
kerry norris
August 16, 2016 at 9:24 pm
I have so many issues with my childhood. My parents divorced and my mum worked 3 jobs so was never around to do anything with me. I understand now though what she had to do. I guess I just wish they were there more x
Topsy Turvy Tribe
August 19, 2016 at 4:13 pm
I guess anyone who had a half decent childhood is lucky. Hubbie and I consider ourselves very lucky and both have close families #binkylinky
Mimiroseandme
August 19, 2016 at 6:39 am
My upbringing was great. My parent never really had much money when my brother, sister and I was younger I would always be able to get involved in extra activities. Sometimes I feel that my parents really sheltered my siblings and I and I feel we could have moved on with life a lot quicker. Especially with my youngster sister who relies on my mum quite a bit! But I can't say we have had a bad upbringing we did learn to always make the best with very little. #BinkyLinky
Back With A Bump
August 19, 2016 at 6:57 am
I was brought up single handedly by my mum and we didn't have much money but I still have good memories. That said she did have spent funny ideas and there was certain TV I wasn't allowed to watch, toys I wasn't allowed to play with and I wish I'd been pushed more to socialise and do more activities. She was shy herself though and lacked confidence so I suppose that's why. I'm lucky my eldest is super confident and I think that's down to how she's been brought up with nursery and activities from a young age. #binkylinky
dmellor
August 19, 2016 at 7:02 am
I consider myself so lucky. My mum was a single parent working full time and yet gave me so many opportunities and experiences that I still pursue to this day. I remember being a junior member of her hiking club from about 6/7 years old for instance. Every weekend, no matter what the weather we'd be outdoors doing something. She was also a tough cookie, something that I've definitely inherited and occasionally I do think to myself am I being a bit hard on my kids, particularly my toddler. #binkylinky
DadvWorld
August 19, 2016 at 7:08 am
Wow. Some deep thoughts in this one. I'd be here all day talking about things they could have done differently however I believe every second of my life so far has led me to where I am now and I'm happy. If one single thing was to have been different it could have led me down a different path and who knows if that would be better or worse? I'll stick with what I currently have, which in my eyes is everything i need. Great read, #BinkyLinky
Sarah Howe
August 19, 2016 at 11:01 am
Interesting post Hun. I agree I wish I'd been allowed to make a few more mistakes as was very good and no partying!! Lol. However overall I was given opportunities, lots of love and I wouldn't change lots xx thanks for hosting xx
Peachy Little
August 19, 2016 at 1:37 pm
My childhood was quite good. I just wish that my parents were more encouraging and supportive. They generally taught me to play it safe. I often think that they instilled a fear of failure in me. It's hard to blog when you constantly think you're not good enough and that nobody will like what you have to say. But I'm sure we all have moments like that. Right? It's not just me, is it? #binkylinky
Alana – Burnished Chaos
August 19, 2016 at 7:54 pm
My experience is the same as Chantelle's from Two Hearts One Roof. I had a great upbringing and both my parents were (and still are) amazing but, I was always told how clever I was and how I'd pass my exams easy etc, not only did it add pressure but ultimately made me not even want to try. University was always expected too and I was advised to keep my options open and go for something business related for better career prospects when what I was actually interested in was Psychology. To be fair, my parents only ever had my best interests at heart and thought they were being supportive, had I told them how I felt I know now that they would have been supportive. As it happens I also never used my Management and Marketing degree and some of the graduate marketing programmes I applied for after uni actually went to psychology graduates, go figure!
#binkylinky
mummydaddy mia
August 19, 2016 at 9:05 pm
Interesting, I had a great childhood and so did my partner but because I was the eldest of 3, we are able to give Mia so much than I had as she's an only one so I'm learning in a different way. I definitely want a safe and secure an upbringing as I had, for Mia 🙂
#binkylinky
The UnNatural Mother
August 20, 2016 at 6:24 am
#binkylinky I had a great upbringing thanks to 2 amazing parents but there are still somethings i have done differently with my kids. At the end of the day no one is perfect , you can only do your best
Jade – Raw Childhood
August 20, 2016 at 12:20 pm
Great blog, I wish my childhood was better to be honest. My mum had me at 16, I grew up living with my grandparents after my mum and dad got divorced when I was 5 and had restricted access to my dad growing up. My children will have a very different upbringing to mine in every way possible. We can only do our best for our children but if we know what we don't want to do then it makes it a lot easier.
#binkylinky
kristin mccarthy
August 21, 2016 at 3:05 am
Ill have to really think on this. Really my mom was so insanely wonderful I cant think of a thing. My dad was a great role model and provider. I had to really good. Its hard to love uo to those standards sometimes
#binkylinky
Helen Gandy – Beautiful Things
August 21, 2016 at 8:22 pm
I wish I'd been given a little more freedom, my relationship suffered with my parents through my teen years because of that but now is much better 🙂 Thanks for hosting! #binkylinky
Sarah@teammomlife
August 21, 2016 at 8:43 pm
Honestly I think a lot of things I wish had been different during my child are because of my parents divorced when I was a baby. That's changed a lot of what I looked for in a marriage more than kid raising. #binkylinky