World Prematurity Day: NICU Memories

November 17, 2013

I find it funny that certain things can remind you of a specific time in your life. A smell, a noise, an item of clothing or a picture. Our senses are a powerful thing and I’ve found lately that certain things trigger my memories from when our twins were in the NICU (Neo-natal intensive care unit).

A while back, Twin Daddy and I took our girls to hospital because they both had temperatures, weren’t eating and were being sick. A short while after being shown to the waiting room we were called to an office where a nurse took some obs from the girls. She wrapped a probe around both girls feet to monitor their stats and the machine that the probe was attached to started to beep.

That sound brought me straight back to the NICU unit and all of a sudden I found myself in tears. It was the same sound that the NICU machines made when our girls stats dropped and it made my heart pound.

I felt so silly and had to explain to the nurse why I was upset. She didn’t understand it and I guess if you haven’t experienced the NICU unit you never will understand it. It caught me completely off guard. It was so unexpected. Who would have thought that something so simple would have brought that kind of reaction out in me?

About a month ago I was washing my hands at home and I picked up an alcohol hand wash pot and started to use it on my hands. Another trigger. It reminded me of all the hand washing you had to do in the NICU.

The NICU unit was secure and very clean. To enter there a video monitor and intercom. Upon arrival you had to press the intercom, look into the camera and then identify yourself with your name and your children’s names. When you enter the doors you had to hang your coat up and then enter another set of doors where there were two big trough like sinks. You had to wash your hands with warm soapy water and then use the alcohol hand wash too.

It’s funny the things that trigger these memories.

The NICU unit is a very scary place. Our girls spent the first 10 days in one hospital before being transferred to another. R was kept in the HDU (High Dependency Unit) at the first hospital as she was on a ventilator to help her breath because she couldn’t breathe on her own. M was in the room opposite which was the LDU (Low Dependency Unit).

Even though they were only across the hall from each other I found it difficult having them in separate rooms. I made sure I split my time equally between them.

In the second hospital they were both in the same room together in neighbouring cots. I would spend all day with them. Arriving at the hospital around 8am and I wouldn’t leave until around 10/11pm at night.

It was hard.

Leaving them both there.

Not being able to bring them home.

The nurses kept telling me to go and have something eat as I would spend all day by their sides.

I couldn’t eat though. Some days I would just stand in the stairwell outside the NICU unit for 10 minutes so the nurses would think I had gone to have something to eat.

I didn’t want to leave them, not even for a few minutes.

It was strange arriving home to an empty house after giving birth.

Two empty cots.

An empty nursery.

A wardrobe full of baby clothes that we had bought in excitement.

It was hard not being able to bring them home.

Today is World Prematurity Day. Bliss will join with other organisations around the globe to raise awareness. Did you know this year 15 million babies will be born prematurely around the world, 60,000 right here in the UK. For more information about how you can help support and raise awareness of World Prematurity Day, please click here.

If you would like to donate our Just Giving Bliss Fundraising Page, please click here.

The video below was created by Bliss – It is an introduction to a neonatal unit.