Are you the parent you thought you'd be?

Growing up I knew that I always wanted to be a mum. 

I didn’t know how many children I wanted though, nor did I have a preference for a boy over a girl or vice versa.

One thing I did know though was that I wanted to be the best mum I could be.

Of course that also goes for the majority of the female population I imagine!

Being a mum was harder than I ever imagined it to be. 

Before having children I had played out various scenarios in my head of the type of mum that I thought I’d be. I’d take my children to the park, play with them all day and I’d never be too tired to tend to them. I even thought that I’d be ok if they woke up in the night on a regular basis because after all that’s the joy of being a parent!

The reality is a little different to what I imagined it to be!

Aside from the fact that our twins were born premature with low birth weights meaning the first 27 days of their lives was spent in hospital being looked after by doctors and nurses, there were other tasks that I struggled with.

Watching the doctors and nurses doing my job – caring for my children, changing their nappies and feeding them was hard, but I knew it was a necessity.

As time passed by I struggled to cope on my own with them when my husband returned to work.

Feeding them was a challenge, especially when M developed a really bad case of silent reflux, but what pained me most was when feeding one I had to leave the other crying.

I’d tried many ways to feed them both at the same time, but it wasn’t until they were able to hold up their own heads that this became easier. It meant that I could feed them both in their bouncers or propped up on my legs or next to me on a pillow. 

I found it stressful to get them both to sleep and quite often resorted to going out for long walks with them in the pushchair. This was actually quite nice as it meant I could get some fresh air and some peace and quiet at the same time!

I thought that when they were born I’d want to stay at home with them forever. I thought I’d dread going back to work, but I didn’t. In fact after a whole year off on maternity leave I was itching to return so that I could sit and talk to other adults. So that I could have a bit of a break from them, but I also realised that returning to work doesn’t make me a bad mum. I want to be a good role model to my children and I think by working I can do that. I can show them that you can be a mum and work. 

Of course now that my girls are three years old and more understanding and conversant I’d love to stay at home with them and I do dread the day they start nursery in September. If I could be a stay at home mum to them now, I think I would be, but I’d probably also work when they were in school. 

When it comes to playing with them , I don’t play with them all day. I’m only human after all and so are they!

We play for the majority of our day, either with lego, their toys or we make pictures, draw or bake cakes, but we also watch TV together in silence!

I’ve definitely become a more patient mum the older the girls have got. I think I’m a pretty good mum and I take everything in my stride, but we all have our off days. The days where we don’t want to go out anywhere and the days where the noise of your child singing Barbie songs for hundredth time is enough to make you want to stuff socks in your ears permanently, but that’s the joy of parenthood! The good and bad days.

Thankfully there are more good days than bad ones!